Super Bowl Guide BFF Style

This is a special Super Bowl lexicon paired with recipes and strategies for being in the kitchen with or without hungry little mouths to feed.

Fumble:

sports def. When a player, in American and Canadian football, has possession and control of the ball and then drops the ball.

parent def. When a parent has the intention to stop and buy a rotisserie chicken on the way home from school and (not because there was screaming in the back seat and the same song on repeat on the car’s stereo system for the last 20 minutes) drops the ball by going straight home, turns on the television and pours two bowls of dry cereal for “appetizers”.

Should this happen to you don’t panic.  The first step would be to call the other parent and have them get a chicken on the way home.  Yes, it can be done.  If you doubt this, then serve breakfast for dinner.  

Red Zone:

sports def. This is an imaginary area between the defense’s 20-yard line and it’s goal line.  This is the zone from which the offense is most likely to score.

parents def. This is the imaginary area in the pantry where unhealthy snacks with chocolate, caffeine, or too much sugar mysteriously disappear after 12 p.m.  This zone is to be reserved for times earlier in the day when you need a little extra help to score points with the kids for example when one is about to go on a long car ride, one needs to get somewhere extremely quickly with full cooperation from the child, or one needs to snap a two year old out of tantrum mode in less than 30 minutes.

Should you need extra red zone pantry items for the game be wary of any peanut products and stock up on snackable fruit such as grapes, yoghurt, apple shapes (use a cookie cutter), and other healthy “treats”.  Unhealthy sugary cereal is also not bad for a special afternoon snack or treat.

Touchdown:

sports def. This is acheived when one team takes the ball into the opposite end zone. 
parents def. This is what you do when your child is still in diapers and you don’t really feel like holding him up three feet in the air to sniff his or her diapered behind.  Instead, you do a gentle touchdown there to feel for any excessive weight, warmth, or other signs of a loaded diaper.  

If this happens during half time it is totally acceptable to send someone else to do the diaper change.  During the game one might have to draw straws.  To avoid any red flags you can offer the option of changing diapers or fixing up a few more snacks in the kitchen.

Half time:

sports def. This refers to the interval between the two halves of the game.  A show is often a featured here.
parents def. This refers to the amount of time you spend re-doing what you just did, as in “I spend half my time picking up after you kids”  (This often refers to the adult male “kid” too).  A show of remorse or willingness to change is rarely featured here.

Should this happen to you be sure to pour yourself a special cocktail during the game.  If you are a fan of beer treat yourself to something special.  When you pick up your barbecue head inside and can check out Formaggio’s great beer selection for a specialty bottle of beer that has the benefit of coming in 1Pint 9 Fl oz. bottles.  For beer recommendations just grab a staff member and they will guide you wisely.

Now that you know some of the definitions here are some last minute eats:

Pick something up at Whole Foods or Formaggio Kitchen or Redbones BBQ or Wilson Farms or Bakers’ Best .

Isabelle and I will be heading to one of these places for some goodies while the boys shop for Henry’s big boy mattress.  I’ll pull out some of the cheddar chive cornbread from the freezer (or make some non-dairy cornbread as a morning activity with the kids since our family quarterback is off dairy at the moment).

I’ll also throw on a pot of vegetarian chili (Moosewood’s Red, Gold, Black and Green Chili) or False Alarm Vegetable Chili (Martha Stewart).  I’ll see what ingredients I have more of in the morning and that’s the recipe I’ll use.

Bon appetit.  ttyl your BFF (Boston Family Foodie)

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