Trouble Finding Joy

There’s no question that this has been a rough week for many of us. Devastating for others. Whatever we’ve been through, I appreciate the resilience of my city, my neighbourhood, and the support of the global community. I also understand all too well that I am dealing with nothing. My friends are safe, my family is safe, and things are all in place to get back to normal.

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I know no one is forgetting those recovering and those lost. I know that slowly my twitter feed is changing back to check ins at bars, latest meals out, and the best spring recipes. But, while everyone around me seems to be getting back to life, I feel frozen, walking around in a haze. True, it’s already allergy season, but I’ve taken my Claritin and still nothing is clear.

Well one thing is clear. What ‘s clear is that some people are more like springs. Under stress and pressure they squeeze down tight, but as soon as the pressure lifts, they bounce right back. I now know I’m not that person. More importantly, I know that it’s okay… perhaps a bit more difficult, but okay to not be that person.

Unlike a spring, I’m more of a ball of yarn that ‘s been knitted tightly, as pressure builds the stitches get tighter and then when it’s all done you pull out all the stitches. The yarn doesn’t pop back all smooth and as it was in a nice near ball. The yarn comes out all kinked up and even perhaps felted in places clinging desperately to it’s own fibers. But, with a little time, and a gentle hand you can get the yarn workable again. Perhaps what I really need is a really good soak.

I used to think I had to be a spring. The more I thought about how unspringy I was the harder I tried. The cartoon visual I have of myself trying to get a piece of yarn to act like a spring almost makes me smile. I may have more grey hairs but at least with this older age… little threads of wisdom are starting to appear.

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